waywardcastiel:

i hate it when you’re walking along and you suddenly become really self-conscious about the way you are walking so you concentrate on walking normally and just end up like

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leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

holyshawarmabatman:

so i have two little cousins one is 10 and the other is 7 and my aunt told them they could each say one cuss word and not get in trouble so the older one very politely says “damn” but the younger one stands up on the kitchen table, rips his shirt off and screams “FUUUUUUCCCKKKK” while dive bombing to the floor and my aunt just stood there and stared at him because she couldn’t get mad at him

I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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